Expertise Isn’t Everything: Why Bedside Manner Matters

My first MS specialist had all the credentials but lacked the compassion I needed. When I found a new neurologist, it made all the difference in my care.

Finding a good doctor is crucial, especially when dealing with a chronic illness like multiple sclerosis (MS). While medical knowledge is one important component of being a good doctor, so is having a good bedside manner. This means showing empathy, patience, and understanding, making patients feel heard and respected.

A doctor with a great bedside manner provides the reassurance and support people with a chronic health conditions need to handle the disease’s challenges; they work together with patients to build a relationship based on trust and mutual respect.

When doctors have a mix of expertise and compassionate care, it helps us feel like we’re heard — which can make us feel more empowered and involved in our treatment plans.

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Missed connections

My own journey to finding the right healthcare team for my MS began when I was 16, back in 2004, with my first major symptom — optic neuritis. This sudden loss of vision sent my mother into a worried frenzy, and we headed straight to our local hospital, which was known for its cutting-edge medical research and top-tier specialists.

At the hospital, they recommended the best MS specialist in my area. They had an extensive resume, suggesting their immense capability and expertise.

Despite this, I struggled to connect with them. The consultations felt impersonal; I often felt like a lab rat subjected to endless tests, without being part of the conversation about my treatment plan. Their approach was very matter-of-fact, and I never developed the trust that’s so essential between a patient and a doctor.

This disconnection had significant consequences for me. After a period of remission, I stopped going for checkups and discontinued my medication. Meanwhile, the disease was quietly wreaking havoc on my nervous system, while I mistakenly believed that green smoothies and alternative medicine were enough to manage the progression of my MS.

My mistrust of the specialist and her treatment plan led me to neglect my health. Today, I regret that decision deeply. I believe that avoiding disease-modifying therapies during that period contributed to the development of my disability.

A human connection

Eventually, years later when I couldn’t deny the difficulty in my step, I found another neurologist who I was able to connect with.

While he isn’t an MS specialist, the difference in our relationship compared with my previous neuro is like night and day. My new doctor listens to me, involves me in treatment decisions, and communicates with empathy and openness. I feel like I’m connecting with him on a human level.

This relationship has given me a sense of control over my illness, allowing me to ask questions and better understand my health.

When you have a chronic illness like MS — which requires a long-term relationship with a doctor — having someone who communicates well and shows empathy is invaluable.

What actually makes a good doctor?

A good doctor is more than just knowledgeable. Here are some key qualities I look for when choosing a doctor:

• Expertise and competence: Has a solid foundation of medical knowledge and the ability to stay updated with the latest research. To get a sense of this, ask your doctor about the latest medical research into MS and if they’ve been to relevant medical conferences recently.
• Communication skills: Uses clear, empathetic communication that makes patients feel understood and involved in their treatment. Good communication includes active listening, explaining medical terms clearly, and avoiding fancy jargon. Doctors with strong communication skills also ask for your input; their treatment plan includes a collaborative approach. This trust-building ensures you feel confident and informed about your health decisions.
• Empathy and curiosity: Shows genuine concern for patients’ well-being and helps build trust. Gaslighting can occur when doctors dismiss or undermine patients’ symptoms or concerns. A good doctor validates and investigates a patient’s issues thoroughly.
• Professionalism: Exhibits respect for patient confidentiality, provides unbiased care, and treats patients with dignity.
• Patient-centered approach: Considers patients’ lifestyles, preferences, and values in treatment plans.
• Advocacy: Persistent in advocating for their patients and helping to meet their needs, including helping determine my next steps, and pushing for approval for necessary prescriptions when insurance companies challenge them.

Tips for finding a good doctor

After my negative experience, I have established some steps to use to find the right fit for my needs.

• Seek recommendations: Personal experiences from friends, family, or other healthcare providers can provide valuable insights.
• Research credentials: Verify the doctor’s education, certifications, and specialties. You can check physician credentials at DocInfo.org, a database by the Federation of State Medical Boards.
• Read reviews: Online reviews on websites like Healthgrades can offer a glimpse into other patients’ experiences.
• Check insurance: If you’re shopping for a new doctor, ensure they are covered by your insurance and are in your network to avoid surprise bills.
• Consider communication style: During initial consultations, assess how well the doctor listens and responds to your concerns.
• Evaluate accessibility: Consider the doctor’s availability and ease of getting appointments with them.
• Trust your instincts: Your comfort and confidence in the doctor’s care are essential.

The takeaway

In my experience, a good doctor has a blend of expertise and compassionate communication. This combination is especially vital for patients with chronic conditions, where long-term relationships and ongoing treatment are the norm.

My journey has taught me that feeling heard and involved in your treatment plan can make a significant difference in managing your health. So when searching for a good doctor, look for someone who not only is an expert in their field but also values and respects you as a person.